Death Notifications:

A Guide for Lay Helpers

Death Notifications: A Guide for Lay Helpers

Delivering news of a death is one of the most difficult moments a person can face—both for those receiving the information and for those tasked with sharing it. This guide is intended for lay helpers, not professionals, who may find themselves present during or immediately after a death notification.

If you are in this role, it’s important to remember:
Your job is not to explain, fix, justify, or soften the loss.
Your role is to provide calm presence, clarity, and emotional safety in an overwhelming moment.

What Survivors Experience

When someone learns of a death, their nervous system often goes into shock. Common reactions may include:

  • Disbelief or numbness

  • Confusion or inability to process information

  • Intense emotional reactions or complete silence

  • Physical responses such as shaking, nausea, or collapse

There is no “right” way to respond. These reactions are normal responses to sudden loss.

Your Role as a Helper

As a lay helper, your primary responsibility is support, not solutions.

Focus on:

  • Being present and grounded

  • Speaking clearly and simply

  • Allowing space for emotion without rushing or filling silence

  • Helping the survivor stay safe and connected

Avoid:

  • Giving explanations or opinions

  • Making assumptions about feelings

  • Offering platitudes or reassurances

  • Pushing the survivor to “be strong” or “calm down”

What Helps in the Moment

  • Use simple, direct language

  • Allow pauses and silence

  • Stay physically nearby unless asked to leave

  • Answer questions honestly if you know the answer—and say “I don’t know” if you don’t

  • Help connect the survivor to trusted people or next steps when appropriate

Often, your steady presence matters more than anything you say.

Emotional First Aid After a Death Notification

After the initial notification, survivors often need help navigating the first hours that follow. Emotional First Aid (EFA) focuses on:

  • Reducing emotional overwhelm

  • Helping survivors feel seen and supported

  • Preventing impulsive or unsafe decisions

  • Encouraging connection and grounding

You do not need special training to offer Emotional First Aid—only compassion, patience, and respect.

Learn More

The following printable guides provide additional support for helpers and survivors during the immediate aftermath of a death:

→ Printable Guides
→ Death Notification Printable Guide