The Self-Aware Helper
Awareness of ourselves helps ensure our presence supports survivors.
The Self-Aware Helper
When supporting someone through tragedy, who we are being matters as much as what we say or do. Emotional First Aid begins with awareness of ourselves—our reactions, assumptions, and limits—so that our presence truly supports survivors.
Being a self-aware helper helps ensure that our well-intended efforts do not unintentionally add to someone’s distress.
Why Self-Awareness Matters
In the aftermath of tragedy, helpers may feel a strong urge to:
Fix the situation
Say the right thing
Ease the pain quickly
Do something—anything—to help
These impulses are human. But when they go unchecked, they can shift the focus away from the survivor and toward the helper’s own discomfort.
Self-awareness allows helpers to pause, remain grounded, and respond with compassion rather than urgency.
Common Helper Reactions
Helpers may experience:
Discomfort with intense emotions
Anxiety about silence
A desire to offer advice or reassurance
Feeling responsible for making things better
Emotional reactions triggered by personal experiences
Recognizing these responses internally helps prevent them from shaping how we interact with survivors.
Getting Yourself Out of the Way
Being self-aware does not mean suppressing emotions—it means not letting them drive the interaction.
A self-aware helper:
Notices internal reactions without acting on them
Allows survivors to lead the conversation
Resists the urge to explain, reassure, or compare
Stays present even when things feel uncomfortable
The goal is not perfection, but humility and restraint.
Staying Present Without Taking Over
Self-awareness helps helpers:
Listen more than talk
Sit with silence
Avoid assumptions
Respect the survivor’s pace
When helpers remain aware of their own needs and reactions, survivors are more likely to feel safe, heard, and respected.
A Shared Humanity
Self-awareness reminds us that helpers are human, too. We do not need to have answers or solutions. What survivors often need most is a calm, compassionate presence—someone who can bear witness without trying to change what cannot be changed.
Caring for Yourself Beyond the Moment
Supporting others through trauma can have a lasting impact. Learning how to heal yourself as a helper is an important part of doing this work well.
A Final Thought
Self-awareness is not about doing less—it is about doing what truly helps.
When helpers understand themselves, they are better able to offer presence, dignity, and care to those experiencing tragedy
Printable Guide: Get Yourself Out of the Way
For a simple, printable overview of what to expect during the Horrible Hours—and how to offer support—download the guide below.
Learn more about Emotional First Aid and how these skills work together.